Thorn in the flesh

So I read a devotion this morning on the thorn in the flesh chapter (2 Cor 12: 2-10) and it was interesting what Rick or is it Tony Warren said that throughout the bible when the word in Greek was used for thorn as a metaphor, it was usually for people who persecuted others. Interesting. I know this but still interesting. So that I might not be exalted for all the wondrous things revealed to me........interesting.
I did my PhD - people definitely kept me in my place. The JH's and ES's of this world were the constant thorns then the ones who steadily changed any initial opinion of me - the recruited thorns. I still feel the scars of the looks and the silent and not so silent accusations, of the undermining and ridiculing and palpable resentment. Someone once said when there is a common factor in different situations, that common factor must be me. And I think O gosh is it my personality - am I the one inviting this pain, this ostracization, this treatment. But a messenger of Satan - okay a little heavy for the blog but that is what Paul in Corinthians called it and I am using that analogy. A person for some reason that I cannot determine does not like me, does not trust me and impels others to do the same. Why?
Does it matter why? How do I respond?
So my work for my dissertation was on how the interaction of race and gender with our cortisol reactivity can produce increased weight gain one year later. So race and genger aggravate a person's cortisol response and most likely causes that person to gain more weight than they otherwise would have. Oh and this is especially in aggressive persons. Now I did not confirm this in my research but aggressive persons are usually the products of aggression. Someone hurts you so you hurt others. Where am I going with this? I want to broadcast my research. No seriously, I want to make a point and my point is this. I am a black woman. This alone has ramifications in this fine country. In the minds of one race which shall remain nameless, I am a second-class citizen. I am not to be trusted. So when I am questioned on my time sheets and my expense reports, and in one case I am outrightly accused of fudging my time and that there is no way someone can work that much overtime and that person is still skeptical even after explaining that yes I do work quite a bit of overtime that person is still of the opinion I did something wrong. SO I go to my boss and she somehow does not understand why I am coming to her about an issue that is so clearly not on her radar. Then there is the fact that no matter what work I do there is something wrong with it until management changes the project so much that it does not even resemble what I started working on. And then there is the fact that it is not often a question of if you did not explain it adequately but that it is I who do not understand what you said and then I think I must have stumbled into a bramble bush and I am covered in thorns.
God said My grace is sufficient for thee. God has given me the grace to deal with all this. He did it in grad school and He will do it here. And I will be glad in the fact that I know that no matter what happens, I will be blessed. Exactly when I need to be.
P.S. I was going to change the background color as I have been told it is oppressive but not today. Today I feel like my background - oppressed. Do a vote if you want it changed. I'm listening.