Impatience is a hard thing

There is within us a sense of impatience when we want to see something done. It is not just for us but for those we take an interest in and care about. It fills the gap between now and the thing we want to happen. And when what we expect is thwarted, we feel a sense of loss with a keenness in direct proportion to the hope we held.

I cried when I heard of Whitney Houston's death last night - great, gulping sobs. Why did I cry? She was not my friend, she was not even an acquaintance. What she was to me was an inspiration - a face that I can put with every single turning point of my life and with early inspiration. Whitney and her songs were there with me when I was a pre-teen singing The Greatest Love of All and that line that I would sing over and over - no matter what they take from me - they can't take away my dignity! and Heartbreak Hotel the first time my heart was truly broken and I will always love you when I hoped for the first time for love. And My love is your love when I came face to face with my mortality. These songs shaped me, inspired me and the last one was the most powerful - I love the Lord, He heard my cry and pitied every groan. Long as I live, when troubles rise, I'll hasten to His call (I may have messed up the words but my deepest of hearts knows them). That song and that song alone ushered me into adulthood when I held so much hope and fear and wonder at my dreams and if I dared hope for them to come through. And when some died, that song cleansed me to see new hope born again by the grace of God. Her voice bore them all.

And my hope had been for her - that she would stay on the right track - that she would triumph again. I get when my friend, April says she is pissed. I think those tears were of anger and sorrow both - she never did rise again, not to the mountain she once stood tall on. A candle may burn twice but it never gives the same light both times. The same can be said of MJ. It seems to me that what I will take from this is not that life is short but opportunity knocks but once and then we make the most of it. And we soar then because we may never soar again. Life is a series of undulating waves that builds up to a crescendo and once we reach that highest of heights it recedes and ebbs. But glory does not end there - those waves become the shoulders on which others may stand as we pass on our knowledge, our wisdom, our hopes, our very drive to those that come after. That is a life fulfilled, that is a life complete.

Whitney came full circle - she got Bobbi Kristina to adulthood, she regained her passion for life, she left a destructive path and breathed free again - who are we to say she failed or fell short? She will always be my hero - for who she was, for who she became, for what she overcome and for what she left behind.

And to her I say, Thank you.

R.I.P Whitney Houston

A hot Sunday in April

Geez, today is hot! Sitting outside does not help. Only AC. Thank God for AC - sorry about global warming but geez I needs to be cool. I don't remember it being this hot when I grew up and I come from 13 degrees north of the equator. Dag........It's so hot I feel as if I can't breathe. I hate extreme temps - Give me 50 to 70 degrees and I am happy. Maybe up to 75 and I can stand up to 90 with a nice breeze. That's the key - a nice breeze. That's why it wasn't hot growing up - there was always the NE tradewinds. They were great! So no AC needed there.
Anyway I'm rambling - today is Sondra's funeral - I'm trying not to think about it - had two drinks already - but I know for me that is severely under target. Might just enhance the emotions and that I ain need. Sondra Hewitt. My cousin who became a sister. Man we were stubborn together. And I am a quiet stubborn but bot did she force me to voice how I felt. I think more than anyone she made me speak out. And it wasn't that she said Keeva speak out but you had to do it with her. She did not like pushovers. So.....she more than anyone prepared me for this society. Sondra - I hate to think she is gone. Is like a whole chapter is gone. I hate closing chapters. I hate the end of a book. Everytime I read a good book, I hate coming down to the last few pages. And with both Mom and Sondra - it feels like that. Only thing is with a book I can pick it up and read it again. But not with life. With life, once that chapter/book ends that's it.......until maybe later.......
My mom died a few days before Mother's Day 2007. I know it's only 2 years now but I can't stand to see Mother's Day ads. For that reason alone, Barnes & Noble and I will part ways until after Mother's Day. I don't think you ever get over the loss of a mother (whether biological or other). But it gets easier cos here I am writing about my mother when just a mention would send me off into a crying jag. My mother talked a lot about her mother - almost like if she was still around. I find I do the same......I hope ppl listen.....Doesn't matter, it helps me. A good book has a lot of memories that you come back to over and over again. But today, I close mommy's book. Cos I tell you if I took it to the funeral today, we might have an overload. I'll tell you about the viewing really later. Now I need to go get ready..............